Memoir

             It seemed as if time was frozen. Everything was moving too slow, feeling too slow. People were loud all around me, yet it was like their voices were muffled. I couldn’t hear anything anyone was saying. It was strange. I’d never felt this way. My chest felt tight and my whole body was shaking. My vision was blurred from crying. There were no mirrors but I knew if I saw my reflection I’d be pale. As I walked down the hall towards the lecture hall it occurred to me, I didn’t want to go in there. If I went in there it would make this all real and it couldn’t be really. I didn’t want it to be real. But part of me is afraid to stop walking. Afraid to go back to that classroom where this started.

            Why wasn’t she at school? Was she on her way when it happened? Probably not, heard she was skipping. Why couldn’t she have just come straight here? This can’t be real. Please don’t be real. I can’t breathe, this hurts too much.

            I enter the lecture hall, and suddenly it’s like the world turns on again. All the voices are loud and sobbing. Everything is suddenly sped up again and it’s suddenly too real. Looking around, desperate for someone I know, I see my best friend Amanda. She runs to me and hugs me…and I completely break. I’m shaking and crying harder than ever. I’m not use to this. I always comfort others. More and more people enter the large room. Sounds of sobbing fills the air. No one has a dry eye. Amanda goes around to others, doing her best to help others and not focus on herself. Alone on the floor, I cradle my little black phone in my hands. I need to call my parents. She was like another daughter to them; they should hear it from me. But it’s like my fingers don’t work, so sitting by myself I stare at my phone. Eventually I push the speed dial and hold my phone to my ear; the ringing is sort of a relief to all the crying.

            “Honey, why are you calling? What’s up? Are you crying?!?!” questioned my mother.

            “……mommy.” I replied.

            “What happened? Did something happen? Pete, be quiet! Something’s wrong at the school! Baby, talk to me. What happened? Are you hurt?”

            “………she’s gone.” I whisper, barely believing those words actually left my mouth.

            “What did you say? I can’t hear you baby, speak up. Tell me what’s wrong. Peter be quiet! I can’t hear her.”

            “….she’s gone….Sara is gone. Goose is gone…..” the words are barely more than a whisper but I can tell my mom heard them. The line is silent; she must be taking it in. Probably hoping she heard wrong.

            “…What? How do you know that? Baby, talk to me what happened?”

            I’m crying too hard now, can barely get any words out.

            “….car accident…..announcement......mommy she’s gone! They said she’s gone!” My sobbing took over and I could say anymore. Mom was freaking out and explaining to my dad what I said. I could tell she was crying now.

            “Honey do you want us to get you? We can be right there. You shouldn’t be alone. Where are you? Are you by yourself? Are you with Amanda?”

            “…..ok. Yeah.” The only words I could manage to get out.

            I hang the phone up and just sit there. Watching everyone else crying, more and more people enter the room. Every now and then a few would leave, heading home I imagine. To me, things like this only happened on TV. Nothing truly bad had ever happened like this before, at least not to me or any of my friends. It never occurred to me that things like this happened in real life. Well, that’s not true. I’ve seen the news; I’ve heard heartbreaking stories from other people. I guess, I just never really thought something this horrible could happen to me.

            My father always taught me that you can learn something new every day. He never told me some of those lessons would be ones I never wanted to learn.